On Replacement Referees

The biggest story of the preseason has not been Peyton Manning's neck or Andrew Luck's slightly mongoloid face or even Chad Johnson's forehead.  It has been the replacement of the officials we normally can't stand with even more egregious, albeit well-heeled, scabs.  Like most of my interactions with women, it's come down to a dispute over money.

The glaring mistakes made by these fill-ins through the first weekend of games have included a holding call on a punt returner and the adorable mislabeling of the Cardinals as the "Arizona Falcons."  It should be noted that the NFL had the opportunity with this lockout to finally introduce some younger officials to the fold, as well.  You know, people with crisp vision and non-arthritic joints.  However, it is apparently written in stone that NFL officiating crews, be they scabs or not, must consist primarily of doddering white men aged 65 or above - and one black guy who could kind of be mistaken for Cleveland from Family Guy (there is always this guy...look for him).

In honor of this regrettable "biggest story of the preseason," OnThingz brings you its first doctored photo of the season.  Enjoy.

...the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

On The Texans

As a lifelong Giants supporter, there's been ample goodwill built up between the team and On Thingz.  Three Super Bowls, a fairly successful past decade of play (to make up for the 90s) and some great players and drama along the way.  That goodwill has been running out of late as it took a thrilling victory over the Cowboys before this group of men even remotely began resembling a team.  I point the casual fan to the loss against the Eagles as an example of the team looking uncomfortably lackadaisical.  At times during that contest the defensive players were completely unprepared, backs to the ball and lounging around at the snap. 

That was Mark Herzlich's first start.  Yeah, the guy who came back from cancer to play in the NFL.  Any time he had a big tackle, Mark would jump up exuberantly only to watch his teammates coolly walk away from him without a single word of encouragement.  No one needs their hand held in the NFL, but this type of behavior is certainly not representative of what teammates do or the way humans behave when they are brought together to strive towards a common goal.  Frankly, it's disgusting and feels like a handsome paycheck is the only thing keeping these men in each other's company. 

Juxtapose the Giants to the Texans, a team that has never been to the playoffs in its short history.  However, entering Sunday, with a finally hapless Colts team in their division, the Texans seemed fairly assured of winning their division over the season's remaining four games.  If they didn't beat the Bengals, conventional wisdom suggested they'd eventually beat somebody and clinch their playoff berth.  Down 19-13 with less than two minutes left and without their longtime QB, Matt Schaub, at the helm, rookie T.J. Yates marched the Texans down the field to a victorious TD with mere seconds left on the gameclock.  In the middle of the drive, Houston faced a crucial 3rd and 3 at midfield...

...And their entire defense lined up as close to the sideline as possible, cheering madly for their offense as if it were Week 17 and all the Texans playoff hopes depended on the outcome of this game.

Connor Barwin, Brian Cushing and J.J. Watt are beside themselves with pumpitude as Owen Daniels hauls in a first down catch.

With attitudes like theirs, I hope the only time the Texans lose this season is in the Super Bowl to the Giants.

On The Giants Dramatic Victory

On The Definition of Fanatic...

The gentlemen below define the zealous nature of fanaticism...

The man with the SLR camera runs a Back-ne fetish site and can't believe his good fortune at attending a boring old Steelers game only to encounter a gentleman rife with exquisite back-ne standing right before him.  "Next week's spread!" he says with naked excitement.

This is possibly the greatest thing ever.

Look at the wherewithal of Dolphin Man to make knowing eye contact with the camera.

At risk of being called a queer by every other 20 and 30-something male in attendance, a dangling, unlit cigarette is the most costumed-up an Eagle fan will ever allow himself to get.  That and the jersey of a scuzzy dog electrocutor.   Phanaticism defined.